Today...

Today I need to take Olivia in for her pneumonia shot, something I guess I should have known and done a long time ago, but I didn't know, so I didn't take her before. After that I have to bring her home and give her another shot. I have been really upbeat and positive about her JDM recently, but today I am not. I have been focusing on what Dr. Birmingham said, about there being a probability of her current medications losing their effectiveness, and I worry about what we will have to do next, what will happen to her. Will she lose all her progress? Will the next medications down the line work for her? Dr. B. has said numerous times that she has the type of JDM that concerns him most. I know we are only 6 months into this, some families are still battling after 8 years or more, and I wonder if she will be able to enjoy her life or if she will always be in pain. I hear stories about rheumatoid arthritis and what it does to people, and my heart aches for her. I think about her all day long while she is at school, I worry about whether anything hurts or if anybody else is teasing her because she can't keep up. It seems like when she is doing her best, I am the most anxious. At other times (when I have been operating in crisis mode) when she was at her worst, or when she is having a bad week the anxiety and worry is still there, but I can control it, but then when she is doing great I fear for what could come. I guess it is because I have time to worry when she is doing well, I am not consumed by taking care of her. Lately she has been so happy, and feeling good (aside from a few aches and pains, which I think have become so normal to her that she hardly notices anymore) and enjoying her friends, I have just panicked that she will regress and lose all that. Please pray for her, that God will bless her and continue to heal her...